Column: Holiday grief? You are not alone
Grief is not something we talk about much and especially during the holiday season. We assume it is cheerful and bright for all, However, there are people preparing for their first Christmas without a loved one, be it a husband, parent, sibling, child, friend, etc and others might be preparing for their last Christmas with a loved one. Regardless of the specifics, we should remember that although the holiday season might be advertised as the season of joy, it can oftentimes be a season of sorrow and grief for others.
Hospice of Davidson County counselors and support groups
Society holds many unrealistic expectations about how the grieving process should work and how long it should take. It is important to understand that everyone grieves differently, and it is ok to ask for help or offer help.
Dr. Liju Varghs, psychiatrist at Novant Health in Thomasville shares that death rates during the holidays, especially from heart attacks, strokes and natural causes are higher than any other time of the year. There are 2.6 million deaths per year in the United States, and on average, five people grieve per death which results in an average of 13 million people grieving in the US each year.
Because the holidays can bring on additional stress and it is important to allow time for those grieving during this time. People who grieve should not overdo activities that will eventually cause more stress and make the grief process harder. Choose traditions or rituals that are simple and bring comfort. For some, a trip out of town or going to someone else’s home during the holiday time can be very helpful.
It is also important to not isolate yourself or those grieving but choose selective places or events that will be a place of comfort. It can be a time to create new rituals or traditions that may provide meaning and celebrate holidays in memory of the deceased loved one or loved ones.
As this is the season of giving, engaging in meaningful activities such as volunteering may bring happiness whilst serving others as it helps people to stay connected. Donating to a charity in the name of the deceased loved one can also help. Plan to include the deceased loved one(s) in each occasion in a very deliberate way: evoking their memory, for example, creating a toast to them, making their favorite food or beverage or a prayer in their honor; acknowledging their ongoing presence among you but in a different way now.
Author, speaker, grief counselor and director for Center for loss and life transition, Dr. Alan D Wolfelt has said, “Even your holiday self has changed. You may have gone from loving the holidays to dreading them or from being a big holiday baker to not wanting to spend a minute in the kitchen. The holidays will be different this year in part because you’re different this year.
During your time of grief, the very rituals and traditions of the holidays can help you survive them.”
Novant Health offers services for those dealing with grief and loss and would love for you or someone you know who is grieving to set up an interview with a behavioral health specialist to discuss more about grief, how to find support, and how to give support to those grieving.
“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.” -Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol”
