Keeping track of your true self

In December 1995, Skip Downing wrote a book called “On Course: Strategies for Creating Success in College and in Life” which was used in many of the North Carolina Community colleges as the main textbook for college and career readiness. In this book we received the training necessary to change the way students thought about themselves and others. Within those pages the main theme was “Victim or Creator”. Here the teacher as well as the students had to confront themselves on a daily basis to see how they were acting as: a victim or a creator?

After teaching this is the college, I took those very seriously and morphed the concepts into a transformation training for those people that were committed to changing the way they thought, acted and lived. The results have been astounding! Never did I imagine I would be a part of so many people’s lives and see the change in them for the better. However, there are always those that start the journey but fall off when they see that change can be painful but the rewards that come after are worth the battle.

What is a victim? The dictionary has one definition, “a person harmed, injured, or killed because of a crime, accident, or other event or action. A person who is tricked or duped.” But Skip’s definition can be summed up in a list of attributes, divided into two columns: Inner Critic and Inner Defender. Let’s take a look at the attributes then we’ll establish the categories.

Victims

Focus on their weaknesses

Make excuses

Complain

Compare themselves unfavorably to others

Blame

See problems as permanent

Repeat ineffective behaviors

Try, but when it gets tough, they quit

Predict defeat and give up

Now, within these attributes there are two divisions. Let’s see those

When it seems like everything you do is wrong, you can be very critical towards yourself

Inner Critic – It judges us. It blames us, complains about us, demeans us. This voice often sounds like a recording of critical and judgmental people we have known. It seems to be trying to protect us through constant self-criticism. It is addicted to other people’s expectations and approval of them. They are the masters of DEPRESSION

Inner Defender- It judges others. It blames others and complains about them, even demeans others. This voice sounds like a scared and confused child backed into a dangerous corner. It seems to be protecting us from criticism and punishment from authoritative figures or powerful others. They are the masters of FIRST STRIKE

After reading this, can you think of points in time where you heard those voices in you? Probably but most often than not we deceive ourselves by shutting down that voice from within instead of dealing with the root causes. So how do you break free from that kind of prison? Isn’t in your own mind these thoughts or attitudes? The answer is simple but very hard for many…change your mindsets and behaviors to become a creator instead of a victim.

What is a creator? I’m glad you asked. It’s the Inner Guide or your consciousness. Your Inner Guide offers an objective and wise perspective about us and others. Always with love, it neither demeans nor attacks. Instead, the Inner Guide patiently observes the events in a Creator’s life and helps us ask questions which answers can be based on the data that surrounds the issue and not on feelings. Don’t get me wrong, we need emotions and feelings but not when you are making those hard decisions in life.

What does that look like?

Chapter 2. Accepting Personal Responsibility from Skip Downings “On Course” (1995)

Creators

Focus on how to improve

Seek solutions

Turn complaints into requests

Seek help from those more skilled

Accept responsibility

Treat problems as temporary

Invent new ways of doing

Do, they don’t try

Think positively and look for a better choice. They don’t just give up or quit.

So where do you fit? Are you a victim or creator? I’ll let you be the judge.

Life Coach Ministry in Thomasville NC