Cathy's Creative Corner: No One Pays Attention

I smile but no one pays attention. Is it me? Is my grin not worthy of a return smile? My most subtle Mona Lisa smirk is priceless. My Billy Dee Williams smile is classic. I only share my Kool- Aid grin, Cheshire Cat twinkle or Joker leer when I’m feeling some type of way. Does my appearance keep those capable of smiling at bay? This morning, I did my best to tidy up in the laundromat bathroom. I even brushed my teeth and hair before being run out by the manager.  I like the mornings when the cleanup crew comes. They just act as if I’m not there.  I might stay a little longer but I politely excuse myself from the premises. No smiles.

     I smile but no one pays attention. Has my skin become dusty and cracked and hardened to the point no one can distinguish me from the sidewalk where I like to sit Indian-style? At times, I meditate and imagine the life I foresaw as a child. I dream of what should be. Do I blend in with the brick and concrete walls I rest my back against in order to feel the warmth from the sun on cooler days? Sometimes I pull up my knees, lean forward and doze off. I’ve slept longer against those walls than I have been able to sleep a lot of nights at the shelter. Or have I been given the attributes of a chameleon? Am I changing my appearance to look like the park benches I frequent every day and no one would know until they sat upon my lap? Is there someone following me with a cloak of invisibility and they spread it around me from time to time? If so, please go. I want to be seen.

     I smile but no one pays attention. Is it because they don’t sense my plea for compassion, my plea for someone to be empathetic, caring and willing to help me through these troubled times? If asked, I would inquire about the simplest of matters. I wouldn’t take much of your time. Just a few questions.  Although I may be broken, I still hunger for love. Brotherly love. Is it written that undesirables are unworthy of these godly qualities? Would it break any unspoken laws to reach out even if it is only by way of a simple facial gesture? Has this become the mere existence of my life, persuading people to smile?

          I smile but no one pays attention. Is it because they can’t see, don’t see or don’t want to see my pain? Is it because they don’t know that I, too, once had a family and a home? They don’t know how my world fell apart when I lost employment and lost the insurance plan that helped afford the medications that kept me balanced. They don’t know how I left home to keep my family safe from my erratic behavior. They don’t know I left that town so my friends and family would not see my fall from grace, although I vow to return. If they knew, then they would know how easily they could face the same dire consequences. They would know to count their blessings and be thankful for what they have. They would know to smile back when someone smiles at them and to not glare at said smiler as if s/he is in violation of that unspoken law.  

I smile and I smile and I smile. Sometimes I smile to keep from crying

 Proverbs 15:30 – “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart.”