Holiday grief: How to cope healthily
Struggling to get into the holiday spirit isn’t uncommon for many this time of the year. From dealing with the challenges of previous months to the pressure to spends hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars on gifts, to the constant hustle and bustle to attend parties, events and plays, the holiday season can cause anxiety, dread and resentment to sink in. Most notably the feeling that often shows up in abundance is grief.
Merriam-Webster defines grief as: deep sadness caused especially by someone's death. There’s not a person on this Earth who hasn’t been affected by death. Other than taxes and life happening, it’s the one thing we can be certain will occur.
For a lot of us, death provides a real challenge during November and December, especially for those of us who’ve recently lost loved ones or are experiencing our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without them. Celebrating doesn’t feel the same. Gatherings don’t feel the same. Traditions don’t feel the same.
Dr. Liju Varghese. {Contributed photo}
This may sound crazy but they aren’t supposed to. Life has changed. However, instead of embracing it. Most of us run away from it. So much so that we find ourselves in a deep hole of darkness that seems impossible to emerge from.
Recognizing that holiday grief is a real issue and is heightened for many at this time, I reached out to Dr. Liju Varghese with Novant Health Psychiatric Medicine – Thomasville to gather some coping tips during the holidays. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date so being equipped with tools is necessary to move forward.
1. What are the common ways grief shows up in people during holidays?
Grief can show up in different ways. It can come across as emotional symptoms in the form of sadness, anger, guilt, confusion and shock. It can come across as physical symptoms in the form of disrupted sleep, digestive system imbalance and weakness in immunity. Individuals going through grief, can struggle cognitively in the form of difficulty in concentration, decision making and remembering Information. Additionally, individuals may also question their spiritual beliefs, identity and purpose. Grief can be magnified during holidays. Holidays are considered a time of cheer and happiness . For a grieving person, it will be a struggle to show this emotion when they are struggling with overwhelming sense of sadness from their loss. Holidays also reminds individuals about their loved ones.
2. What are some recognizable signs of grief?
Grief comes mainly in five stages. The first stage is a state of denial and a state of shock. Next, Is the stage of anger, followed by stages of pain and guilt. Depression is the longest stage of the grief process and once that is completed, it will allow the individual to come to terms with the loss of the loved one and they finally reached the stage of acceptance and hope.
3. Is it common to continue to experience grief during holiday years after a loved one has passed?
Absolutely, grief does not magically disappear at a certain point. Anniversaries and holidays usually reminds about our loved ones.
4. Is it better to try and push the grief away or embrace it?
The grief process takes time and it comes in waves. Everyone grieves differently and it will depend upon the relationship that the individual had with their loved ones. It should never be suppressed or forced to go through. It is important to feel the emotions and set aside some time for oneself. But the separation time set for loneliness should not be to the point of complete social isolation. Some may try to avoid these painful emotional experiences by staying busy but that will make the grieving process take a longer time to resolve. It can also make an individual fear their own emotions by creating increasing anxiety, thereby struggling to reach the stage of acceptance.
5. Are there healthy ways to grieve?
Yes, there are healthy ways to grieve. First of all, it is important to acknowledge the pain and accepting that grief will take time. It is important to accept that everybody grieves in their own way. Seeking help and support from the people who care for you is another way to help with the process, Also, taking care of one’s physical health in turn will help the individual’s mental health .
6. What are healthy ways a person can honor their loved one during the holiday season?
As mentioned above, it is important to be mindful and acknowledge the emotions. In addition to that, it will help the individual to do meaningful things that will cherish the memory of the loved ones like volunteering for an organization or charity that was important to the lost loved one. Some may find relief by doing meaningful acts like helping others who are in need. It is also important to not numb the grief emotions with overuse of alcohol or any other substances. Joining a grief support group or seeking individual counseling will also help the individual get through the grief process.
7. Any suggestions for developing new traditions?
Starting new traditions will certainly benefit with healing of grief. It will depend on that individual and what activities bring them happiness. For some, it may mean preparing a favorite food their lost loved ones liked during holidays. Some may find relief by donating to charity or lighting a candle or sharing a meal with someone else who don’t have a family. Decorating a remembrance tree can also be a good option.
