Now More Than Ever: Pause in October and Domestic Violence Awareness Month
After living in Davidson County for thirty-three years and having an interest in discovering areas of the county I haven’t seen before, I’ll often take roads to see what I might find (and if I can find my way home). I find myself looking at the beautiful landscapes, manicured lawns, and well-kept homes as I drive these back roads. They bring a sense of peace and serenity while I drive along.
Some years ago, I was taking one of those roads with my then teenage daughter. We had discovered this short cut to her dance studio and during this trip we passed one of those homes that caught your eye. My daughter spoke up and said “Oh, that’s the home of the lady who cuts my hair.” I remember telling her that it was a nice home with great landscaping. Just one of those homes that you imagine the family living there must be creating wonderful memories.
It was only a few weeks later I was dropping by the salon to hand off something my daughter was needing. There was Emily cutting my daughter’s hair and speaking to me about how much she loved Savannah and enjoyed having her as a client. It was a memorable event in that Emily was speaking well of one of my children. She made Savannah feel special and I was grateful that she was having an experience in which another adult saw her worth.
Unfortunately, just four days later, Emily would be a domestic violence victim in which her life was taken. The home in which I believed wonderful memories were being made was now showing the fatal outcome of living in a controlling relationship. The person who made me proud as a parent was someone who was not safe in their own home. Emily would not have the experience of watching her daughter become a teenager and have the interaction I had just had a few days earlier. I still take that short cut and travel by Emily’s home. It is now a structure that is grown up and in disarray and shows no sign of life. I am saddened when I pass knowing that her life was cut short due to domestic violence. No chance to fulfill her dreams. No opportunity to watch her daughter grow up. No gatherings with family and friends to celebrate. Domestic violence took away these memories.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and we will again remember those whose lives were cut short because of domestic violence. Since 1995 Davidson County has lost 24 individuals due to fatal domestic violence occurrences. These victims have been mothers, daughters, sons, brothers, fathers, sisters, and yes, children. Too often there have been signs of abuse and/or controlling behaviors that we ignore. We fail to reach out and ask one simple question, “Are you safe?”. Or to say to someone we’re concerned about them, and they don’t need to feel alone.
Family Services of Davidson County (FSDC) has developed services to ensure those suffering in controlling and abusive relationships find safety, treatment, hope, and healing. We have a safe and support domestic violence shelter, The Hattie Lee Burgess House, that provides safe housing, advocacy, counseling, and support groups for those escaping violent and controlling relationships. This includes programming for their children knowing the trauma of growing up in a violent environment has tremendous impact on their child’s mental, emotional, and physical health and development.
We have also expanded our services to include electronic filling of protective orders. Those needing this level of protection may walk into our office and receive advocacy, safety planning, and counseling while electronically completing a protective order. This allows those needing this court intervention to have only one stop to secure this order. Without this service, victims seeking a protective order may find themselves visiting up to 6 different locations and hours, if not days, to secure such an order.
We have trained therapists to address the trauma of living in a home where those seeking our services have not felt safe and have had emotional, mental, and physical injuries. We have therapists who also specialize in the treatment of children who have experienced trauma. Our staff are trauma-informed, and we make certain those requesting our services are provided the utmost care.
As we enter October, please join us in remembering these lives and show support to those who love them. Let us also use this time to stand up against domestic violence and reach out to those in the grips of this terror. Let us dedicate ourselves to share our concern for, and care of, those suffering while letting them know their lives matter.
Thank you,
Tim Tilley
*Sponsored by the United Way of Davidson County
