Life goes on
There are two things I know for sure: Life happens. And life doesn’t stop.
Last fall, I was reminded of these two absolutes as life shifted for my family and loved ones. Two deaths in one week. One on each side of my family. Both were beautiful, Godly women who were the matriarchs for their branch of the family tree. They both exuded love, care, concern, wisdom, resilience, perseverance, faith, and kindness. They were hilarious, too.
While they lived full lives into their 80s, the loss of their physical presence has opened a void that can never be filled. They were the kind of women who left an undeniable impact on your life through their actions and words. They made you want to strive to be the same type of example to someone like they were to us.
As my families wrestled with accepting our new normal, life continued around us. People performed their routines. Social media still served as a smorgasbord of fun, foolishness and photos. Businesses opened and closed during their hours of operation.
The oblivion that surrounds the passing of a loved one and the common grief that accompanies it stood out like a dog amongst cats. Life rarely provides opportunities for those in these situations to really put things on pause to fully take in the moment. Some jobs will allow employees to take off a few days. Employers that are a little more in tune will offer up a little more time. However, many expect you to address your feelings as you continue to work to produce for them.
To me, that’s an issue that is causing bigger problems in our society.
Life is presented to us in a manner where we’re expected to push through no matter what. Your mother passed. So what? Push through. Your brother passed. So what? Push through. Your cousin who helped raise you passed. So what? Push through.
Push through no matter how deep the pain is. Push through no matter how many tears you cry. Push through no matter how many sleepless nights you have. Push through no matter how many times you pick up the phone to listen to old voicemails from those who are no longer here. Push through no matter how empty you feel. Push through no matter the amount of grief you’re suffering through.
Keep pushing so you don’t pause long enough to notice how pushing is affecting you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. You can’t address what you don’t detect. And you know what happens when you get to this point in life, right?
It’s timeout for this ridiculousness. I’m here to push back on this ludicrous notion that we must keep pushing through as we’re going through. No, no, no. You don’t have to keep doing that. What you need to do is acknowledge what you’re feeling so you can deal with what is going on accordingly.
We’ve all been there and done that. At some point, it overwhelmed us. Some to the point where we were willing to try drastic measures to ease the pain. Enough is enough.
If no one else tells you then I will, it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to not feel like you have the energy to move forward. It’s ok to say I need some help getting through whatever it is you need help getting through. Acknowledging this is where you are doesn’t make you weak. It highlights your strength because you’re strong enough to recognize that if you don’t address what you feel, it’s going to consume you.
Yes, life will keep going on in the midst of what you’re trying to sort through in your life but that doesn’t mean it has to go on with you allowing it to drag you along for the ride. You control how you progress through the trials of life. You can either deal with the issues head on or avoid them. Either way, at some point they’re going to make their way to the forefront.
Either by choice or force.
The decision is up to you.
